A Cardiologist's Funeral

A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate
funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge
heart... covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service
as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy,
the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed,
sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever..


At that point, one of the mourners just -burst- into laughter. When all
eyes stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my
own funeral... I'm a gynecologist.


The proctologist fainted.

Ancient Skeleton

Le-a

How would you pronounce this child's name?

"Le-a"
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei??

Guess Again.

This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha",

When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash ain't silent."

Toilet Talks

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other toilet saying:



'Hi, how are you?'

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,


'Doin' just fine!'

And the other person says:


'So what are you up to?'

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:


'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!'

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.


'Can I come over?'

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them


'No..I'm a little busy right now!!!'


Then I hear the person say nervously...

'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other toilet who keeps answering all my questions.'


Mobile phones, don't you just love them!

Crushed Nuts

A little old man shuffled
slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool...
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

We all have obsessions

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

Brilliant student's answering techniques